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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

The second cup of coffee does for me what a can of spinach does for Popeye.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

The gossip in my town is faster than the Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I’ve been blocked by better.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,633

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Just shared via Pinterest:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

Just shared via YouTube:

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Just shared via Instagram:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Spotted on Telegram:

Social media has dragged humans back into Plato’s cave, and chained them there.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

Clever and funny quote about the chaos of the rest of the week after Tuesday.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the mysterious case of the disappearing days! It seems that after Tuesday, the week plays a little game of hide-and-seek with our sanity. Just when you think you have a handle on things, *poof*, it's WTF o'clock!"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on WeChat this month:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

Does bisexual mean twice as sexual or once every other sexual?

46 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When planning dinner, remember that ice-cream has both calcium and protein.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Gender is a just a scam made by big bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms.

41 shares on Pinterest this month:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

98 shares on Facebook this month:

I only drink when I people.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

58 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my type is a nice person.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now!

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You can be anything. Be the person who ends meetings early.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,458

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Starting a new show sucks. Who are these people?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

When they say screen time is bad for you, they just mean the ones at work, right?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

Live now on Twitch:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

Just landed via Discord:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I made some bad choices in life, but I never bought a pair of Crocs.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Just shared via Slack:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Live now on YouTube:

Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners.

Just shared via YouTube:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

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