My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

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I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

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Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

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You’re never alone. There’s mold.

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To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

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Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

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It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

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Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

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I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

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One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

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Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.