Wordgag ツ

5,000+ funny quotes

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

Funny Quotes August 28, 2024

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Funny Quotes July 14, 2024

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Funny Quotes June 4, 2024

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

Funny Quotes May 9, 2024

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Funny Quotes September 19, 2024

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Funny Quotes September 23, 2023

Apparently, when you treat someone the same way they treat you, they get offended!

Funny Quotes September 22, 2023

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

Funny Quotes May 16, 2024

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

Funny Quotes August 3, 2024

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

Funny Quotes August 21, 2024

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Funny Quotes June 20, 2024

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Funny Quotes September 28, 2023