Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

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Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

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If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

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Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

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Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

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Like most people my age, I’m 50.

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The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

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Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

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It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

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We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

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Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.