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213 Funny advice quotes

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  • It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the breakfast of champions: a tall glass of questionable choices! 🥞🤔😂”

  • I don’t know which aunty needs to hear this, but focus on your own child.

    Commentary:
    Definitely! Here’s a fun comment you can use:

    “Better yet, focus on your own adorable chaos! 😄👶🙃”

  • Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs fancy serums and creams when you’ve got a propeller cap to defy aging? 💁‍♂️⚾️ Keep spinning through life and let your youthful spirit shine! ✨ #AgelessBeautySecrets”

  • Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

    Commentary:
    Ah, modern dating – where we play a game of ‘spot the red flag’ and hope for the best 🚩🤔 It’s like choosing between a bouquet of red flags, hoping for a rose amongst the thorns! 🌹😂 Remember, sometimes the red flags are just waving at you, not warning you! 🚩🚩🚩 #DatingDilemmas

  • Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

    Commentary:
    “Whoever is dating my ex, better bring a cheat sheet! 🕵️‍♂️🔍 #DodgingTheBullet”

  • Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

    Commentary:
    🤣 “Told my homie I was ‘going through it’ and he just said ‘go around it’.” Sometimes the simplest solutions are the funniest! This friend clearly believes in taking the scenic route to problem-solving. 🛣️😂

  • They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the classic ‘tallest = truth-teller’ strategy. It’s a tried and true method in a world full of fibbers! 🤥🤔 Just remember, be sure to check if their stories measure up to the competition! 📏😄”

  • My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

    Commentary:
    “Offering mental health advice when you’re one jellybean short of the jar… 🤪🏥 Remember, sometimes laughter is the best therapy! 😂 #FriendshipGoals #AsylumBound”

  • I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

    Commentary:
    🤣💸 We all know the struggle of trying to resist the tempting call of Amazon Prime! Who needs food and shelter when you can have another package delivered, right? #RetailTherapy #ByeByeSavings

  • The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

    Commentary:
    Oh, the classic preface to a statement that almost guarantees it’ll be taken the wrong way! 🤣 It’s like saying “brace yourself for offense!” 😂 “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m about to unintentionally offend you” – works every time! 🤷‍♂️ #0PercentSuccessRate

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