Commentary:
"Brain: Overworked. Me: On permanent vacation mode! 🏖️🧠"
335 Funny advice quotes
You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.
Commentary:
Pee-parations are key to an active social life! 🚽😅🚻
I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.
Commentary:
Why do we keep those boxes? Are we secretly hoping to use them as tiny condos for our chargers? 📦📱😂
I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?
Commentary:
Trying to protect the world from unexpected guests, one wrong turn at a time! 😂🗺️🔄
I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.
Commentary:
Sounds like calling a radio station for advice on relationships is like asking a dog for directions! 😂📻🔍
Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.
Commentary:
Trying to find someone cooler than me is like searching for a unicorn in a haystack! 🦄😎
What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.
Commentary:
Looks like someone needs a taste test before serving up that advice buffet! 🍴🙃
I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.
Commentary:
Sounds like my car might qualify for a gym membership with all that speeding and stopping! 🚗💨🛑😅
Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.
Commentary:
Who knew sick days could be the secret to job security? 😜💼🌴
I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.
Commentary:
Even on rough days, let your pits smell like victory! 🙌💪🤣