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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 10703 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,813 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 26, 2026

 

 

 

 

325 Funny advice quotes

Funny advice quotes are here to turn life’s “helpful tips” into a comedy show! 😄💡 Whether it’s over-the-top suggestions or the kind of advice you never asked for, these quotes remind us that sometimes the best advice is the one that makes you laugh instead of think. Get ready for wisdom with a side of humor! 😂🗣️📚

Welcome to your 40s! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The urge to say “yeah, you should do that”, especially when you have no clue.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’ve shouted so much sporting advice from my sofa already this summer. It’s very tiring but hopefully it’s helping.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

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