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183 Funny always quotes

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

3 months ago

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

3 months ago

Brainwashing is always considered terrible and horrible. But there are many brains that would benefit from a wash.

3 months ago

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

3 months ago

In an alternate universe, the hard way is always learning me.

3 months ago

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

3 months ago

I’m clumsy but there are upsides. For example, if I finish my chips and I’m sad there’s no more chips, I look in my lap and I always find chips.

3 months ago

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

3 months ago

Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

3 months ago

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

3 months ago

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

3 months ago

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

3 months ago

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

3 months ago

I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

3 months ago

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

3 months ago

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

3 months ago

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

3 months ago

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

3 months ago

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

3 months ago