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15,835 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 19, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

309 Funny always quotes

Funny always quotes are all about those habits or situations that never seem to change โ€” no matter how much we wish they would! ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜‚ Whether it’s always being late, always forgetting your keys, or always saying “just one more episode,” these quotes remind us that some things are just a constant source of humor. Guess some things are just meant to stay the same! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ”โฐ

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? Iโ€™m not even going anywhere.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Donโ€™t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Blocking someone isnโ€™t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Itโ€™s like my therapist always says, thatโ€™ll be $175.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Posted onMay 24, 2026

You can always tell when a manโ€™s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Why procrastinate now when you can always procrastinate later?

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

We always asked โ€œwhere is Waldoโ€ but never โ€œwho is Waldo hiding fromโ€.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Me: Iโ€™ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes. Interviewer: I meant more like โ€œprofessional goalsโ€.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Why is the Formula 1 so afraid of rain? Just drive with more caution. That’s what I always do when it rains.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I always set two alarms, one for โ€œGood Intentions Meโ€ and one for โ€œThe Real Meโ€

Posted onMay 23, 2026

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, โ€œMom, why do you always buy Snickers when youโ€™re the only one who likes them?โ€

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Dinosaurs are always described as โ€œroamingโ€ the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you arenโ€™t the one paying for it. Stop!

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Bands are always like โ€œhereโ€™s another songโ€. Yeah, no shit, thatโ€™s pretty much all you do.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

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