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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

Updated

35 minutes ago

Users Online

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Trending via X:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Making waves on Twitch:

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

Live now on Instagram:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Making waves on Twitch:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

Live now on Telegram:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

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21 Funny apocalypse quotes

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

Updated

35 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I’m sorry, but I already have an A.I. boyfriend.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

SEO experts be like: I was eating a banana when my traffic increased, so bananas are definitely a ranking factor.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Everyone deserves a day to lie in bed naked and be anti-social. Just sayin’.

Going viral on Reddit:

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

Spotted on Snapchat:

What do you mean a baguette isn’t a female bag?

Just shared via Instagram:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Just landed via X:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Making waves on Threads:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Going viral on Instagram:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Shared recently on Slack:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

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