137 Funny before quotes

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  1 week ago

  Share →: Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

  Commentary:
  😂🍹 "This liver's playing hide and seek like a pro! Who knew internal organs could outsmart a drink? Cheers to culinary camouflage!" 🍔🎉

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  1 week ago

  Share →: I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

  Commentary:
  🐒🦘 "Probably found out the hard way that kangaroos give you a bouncier ride than you'd like. 😂🤕"

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

  Commentary:
  "Can't wait to see my phone's travel vlog before it becomes my personal spy! 📱🕵️‍♂️🚚 #ItKnowsTooMuch"

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  3 weeks ago

  Share →: I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'verbal time bomb' strategy! 😂💣 Good thing my pillow is a certified therapist! 🛌🧠"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

  Commentary:
  "They realized it was just the camera's way of saying 'I see you!' 📸😈😅"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

  Commentary:
  "When grocery shopping turns into a horror movie: *The Munchies: Chapter 4!* 🛒🌿👻😂"

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  1 month ago

  Share →: Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

  Commentary:
  “Make sure you’ve got your karma GPS on! 🚴‍♂️💫 #PlotTwistGuard”

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

  Commentary:
  "Current status: Professional night owl, world-class morning zombie. 🦉☕😴"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

  Commentary:
  "When the hormones join the drama club, nobody's safe! 🎭😅🚨"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

  Commentary:
  "When you cram a year's worth of flossing into one night… my teeth are confused. 😂🦷✨"

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