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I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.
As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.
Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.
When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.
Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

More funny better quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Commentary:
"If mosquitoes sucked fat, we'd all be lining up for our daily 'mosquito spa treatment'! 🦟💆‍♂️ Just imagine the weight-loss benefits and the buzz around town! 🤣 #InsectFitnessGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet bliss of freedom from the dreaded alarm clock ⏰! It's like a mini celebration for your tired soul 🎉. No more snooze button battles or waking up in a panic – just pure, uninterrupted sleep! So go ahead, savor the moment and sleep in like a champion 😴💪!"
5 months ago
Share →: Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Commentary:
"Who knew that making a fortune could be as simple as playing a game of 'sinking ships' and dishing out dental advice? 😂⛵️🦷 Next time you visit the dentist, make sure to bring your A-game and maybe a life jacket! 🚢💸 #DentistLife"
5 months ago
Share →: Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Commentary:
"Ah, the melodious sound of the alarm clock – the daily symphony of regret and wishful thinking! 🕰️💸 Trading cubicles for castles sounds like a dream worth hitting the snooze button for! 😂 #InheritanceGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

Commentary:
"Oh, the eternal optimists yet again underestimating the power of chaos and Murphy's Law! 🙈 Keep those rose-colored glasses on, folks, and let's see just how creative life can get! 🌪️😅"
5 months ago
Share →: Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of embracing the 'old and bitter' life! Who knew it could be so pleasantly satisfying? 🧓🏼🍋 Don't knock it 'til you try it, right? 😉"
5 months ago
Share →: Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Commentary:
"Ah, the magical transformation of wine from 'mommy juice' to 'daddy's little helper' after a day of parenting mayhem 🍷👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💫 #Parenting101 #BottomsUp"
5 months ago
Share →: Eatіng іn bed іs much better. Everythіng’s a napkіn.

Commentary:
"Eating in bed is truly the ultimate experience! No need to worry about spills when everything is a napkin 🍴🛏️ #LazyLuxury"
5 months ago
Share →: The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

Commentary:
Looks like we've got a classic case of me vs. me showdown: the coupon-clipping warrior vs. the impulse-buying sidekick! 💸💪 Time to get these two personalities on the same page before the shopping chaos ensues! 🤪 #CouponClippingVsImpulseBuying
5 months ago
Share →: You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Commentary:
"Well, if no injuries, at least come back with a dramatic story about fighting off a pack of wild squirrels on your way home 🐿️🤣 Safety first, but entertainment value a close second, right?"