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100 Funny better quotes

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

3 months ago

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

3 months ago

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

3 months ago

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

3 months ago

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

3 months ago

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

3 months ago

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

3 months ago

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

3 months ago

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

3 months ago

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

3 months ago

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s always better than if you do it yourself. It’s the same with sex.

3 months ago

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

3 months ago

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

3 months ago

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

3 months ago

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

3 months ago

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

3 months ago

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

3 months ago

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

3 months ago

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

3 months ago

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

3 months ago