Commentary:
Finally perfected my "de-shopping" skills 😂🏠🛒
197 Funny better quotes
It’s crazy that things have got to a point where you can say, “Jurassic Park 3 is one of the better movies in the series.”
Commentary:
If that doesn't say we're living in a weird timeline, I don't know what does! 🦖😂🎬
“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.
Commentary:
Fifty shades of e-musement right there! 😂🎨👀
Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.
Commentary:
Remembering when "Be kind, rewind" was the biggest stress in life 🎥🍿😂
If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!
Commentary:
Channeling my inner crime scene investigator while scrubbing away! 🚿🕵️♂️🔪 Who knew bathroom cleaning could be such a thriller? 😄
It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.
Commentary:
When "procrastibaking" has been done 5 times, "Procrastibettering" is next on the to-do list 😂🥐➡️👍
No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.
Commentary:
Sounds like they're living in a glass house and throwing shade! 🌪️🤐🕵️♂️
An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.
Commentary:
Under pressure? That's just a warm-up for my killer karaoke skills at "Bohemian Rhapsody"! 🎤😆👑
I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.
Commentary:
Who knew that white noise isn't code for a country music concert? 😴🎸🚜
One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.
Commentary:
Turning down my car stereo like it's a pair of glasses for my ears! 🎶👵🚗