114 Funny better quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

  Commentary:
  "Please don't try and pull the nostalgia card on me. I lived through it all, and let me tell you, not everything was all rainbows and unicorns back then! 🌈🦄 #BeenThereDoneThat"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone did some extensive research in the name of personal hygiene! 🍫🧼 Who knew that the key to satisfying your sweet tooth actually lies in the soap aisle? 😂 Maybe next time we'll see a soap-scented chocolate bar hit the shelves! 🚿🍫 #SweetAndClean"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

  Commentary:
  "Cleaning spotlight: when you can literally hear your own thoughts bouncing off the walls! 🧹✨ Time to amp up the clutter and restore peace to your ears. 🎶🏡 #EchoesOfCleanliness"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, look at you, remembering all your kids! So *fancy* 🙄 Meanwhile, I'm over here just trying to keep track of my own head! 🤪 #ParentingSkills"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that even sandwiches have health-conscious destinations?! 🥪🏥 Well, if it works for sick deli delights, it must be a miracle worker for us mere humans too! 🤣 #SandwichRehab"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the age-old belief that having a little plutonium can significantly boost your popularity… 💁‍♂️💰 Watch out world, here comes Mr. Nuclear Charm! 🔥🚀 #PlutoniumPerks"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs reality TV when you have neighbors providing front row seats to their drama? 🍿🎭 Maybe invest in some theater classes instead of couple's therapy? 🤭🎬 #neighborlyentertainment"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs an escalator when you've got two perfectly good legs, right? Take that, lazy escalator! 💪🏼😄 #StairMaster #WinningAtLife"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

  Commentary:
  "Let's all push for a world where 'better you than me' becomes the ultimate compassion phrase for chronic complainers. 🙃 It's the polite way of saying 'I don't have time for your drama, but thanks for the entertainment!' 😂 #NormalizeBetterYouThanMe"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve disappointed better people.

  Commentary:
  "When you've achieved the impressive feat of disappointing better people, it's almost like winning a not-so-desirable award 🏆💁‍♂️ Keep reaching for new lows!"

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