114 Funny better quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

  Commentary:
  Looks like Santa's sleigh isn't the only thing that slides into your DMs! 🎅📱 If he ever takes a scroll through your social media, you might be unwrapping a whole lot of therapy sessions this Christmas! 😂🎁#NaughtyListBound

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t need a New Year’s resolution, it’s the year’s turn to be better.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs resolutions when the year itself needs to step up its game? It's time for 2022 to level up and bring on the awesome sauce! 🌟🥳 #YearGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

  Commentary:
  🤣🚗 "Ah, the power of the mighty honk! Who knew a simple beep could be the key to personal growth and enlightenment? Honk away, my friend! Maybe next time they'll use their turn signal too. Stay in your lane, but feel free to honk for good karma! 🚙💨"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your resolution has some flexibility built in 😉🎉 Sometimes it's best to keep the timeline open-ended, right? Time is just a social construct anyway! Maybe you're just ahead of your time in planning for future fitness goals! 💪🍕 #ResolutionSomeday 💫

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your son tried to find a "shocking" new hobby! ⚡️ Good call on grounding him – let's hope he doesn't get too "amped up" in the future! 🔌😄

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to make things idiot proof is like trying to build a better mousetrap… Except the mice are always reinventing themselves! 🤦‍♂️🤣 #SisyphusSyndrome"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

  Commentary:
  🐻💩 Looks like this bear is really in a *sticky* situation! 🙈 Let's hope he can *bear* through it and come out of the woods feeling *paw-sitively* better soon! 🌲🐻💚

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a boring salad when you can have a deluxe sandwich masterpiece topped with Big Mac sauce? 🥗➡️🥪 Now that's how you turn a sad salad into a happy meal! 🤣🍔 #SaladUpgrade #SandwichGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, self-awareness, the double-edged lightsaber of personal knowledge 🔪. It's like finding out you're both the hero and the comic relief in your life's movie 🎬. Sure, knowing yourself is great, but the cost? Let's just say ignorance might've been blissful, but it had terrible taste in music 🎵."

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

  Commentary:
  Oh boy, sounds like someone's hit the send button with a vengeance! 💌💥 Let's hope they have better luck reaching you through the inbox than with their fists! 😂🙏 #EmailsOverKnockouts

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