I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

If I like cleaning? Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.