Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Commentary:
Sounds like a classic case of "rage management level expert"🔥🚫💀! Keeping that inner hulk at bay deserves a gold medal in self-control 👏🏅😅!
6 months ago
Share →: If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

Commentary:
Oh, you thought that upper lip mole was all the charm I had to offer? Just you wait until you catch a glimpse of that intriguing dark spot on my MRI – now *that's* a conversation starter! 🧐🔍 #MysterySpot #MedicalMagnetism
6 months ago
Share →: Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Commentary:
"Life's a stage, and for serial killers and comedians alike, it's all about that elusive Netflix special 🎬 Or you might just end up on those 'shitty podcasts' discussing your quirky hobbies like collecting stamps or, uh, body parts 🤷‍♂️ Either way, make sure to choose your performances wisely! 😉"
6 months ago
Share →: Unpopular opinion: The moon is actually way more useful than the sun. Because the moon gives us light at night when it’s dark. The sun only gives us light during the day when it’s already bright.

Commentary:
🌙✨ "Who knew the moon was the real MVP with that night shift hustle?! 🌚 Sorry sun, but the moon's got us covered when it comes to lighting up the night sky in style! 😎 #TeamMoon" 🌟🌝
6 months ago
Share →: You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Commentary:
"Crackling knees? More like disco knees! 💃✨ Who knew our joints had secret talents? Glow-in-the-dark knees could be the next big rave trend! 🌟💫 #PartyOnWithYourKnees"
6 months ago
Share →: Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

Commentary:
"Spice up your hugs with a dash of intrigue and a sprinkle of pure magic by whispering, 'the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!' 👀✨ Who knows, you might just summon some extra magical cuddle powers! 🧙‍♂️🤗 #HugGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Commentary:
"Sounds like a riveting morning adventure – the thrilling saga of the sweater struggle! 😴🧥 Who knew getting dressed could be such an adrenaline rush? Stay strong, brave sweater warrior! 💪😂"
6 months ago
Share →: If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Commentary:
"Who needs lights when you can just blame the darkness for any mess? 🌚✨ It's like having a magic cleaning spell! 🧹✨ #PowerSavingGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Commentary:
"Embracing the unconventional happily-ever-afters, our dreamer sets the bar high by aiming to star in a twisted fairy tale where the wolf plays the leading role 🐺. Talk about taking a bite out of life! 🌟📚 #FairyTaleGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Commentary:
"Nothing like a good old mysterious exit to keep the neighborhood on edge! 👀🚔 #Whodunnit 🕵️‍♂️🔍"