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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

29 minutes ago

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Spotted on YouTube:

The goal is never Gucci bags. It’s acres of land.

Just landed via Slack:

I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.

Broadcasted on X:

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

Spotted on X:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

Just shared via Messenger:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

Shared recently on TikTok:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

2 months ago

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

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Commentary:
🏡💭😂 Oh, the eternal question – are we really ever at home, or are we just floating through this crazy thing called life? Maybe we're just wandering through the vast expanse of our own minds, never truly grounded in one place. So next time someone asks you if you're at home, just tell them you're in a state of existential limbo!

confusion, context, home, humor, i, irony, question, response

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

29 minutes ago

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

No more relationships for me; the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Trending via Twitch:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Trending via Threads:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Reported on Discord:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

Seen just now on X:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’m tired of being an adult. Therefore, I will be stepping down. Thank you!

Just landed via Facebook:

Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

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