116 Funny diet quotes

Trending Funny Diet Quotes 🔥

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.
When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.
A McRib killed my tapeworm.
I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.
If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

More funny diet quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of accidentally turning your healthy intentions into a delicious sugar-coated surprise! 🥦➡️🍩 Who needs green smoothies when you have a whole bag of donut disguised as veggies? 🤷‍♂️🤣 #HealthyEatingGoneWrong"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Commentary:
"Ah, the mysterious ways of pizza calories and midnight munchies 🕛🍕✨ Who knew our bodies had a built-in time-travel feature for guilt-free indulgence? Dietitians everywhere, probably."
5 months ago
Share →: If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

Commentary:
"Eat well, exercise, and… surprise! You'll still end up kicking the bucket! 💪💀 Getting fit doesn't grant you an exemption from the inevitable, but hey, at least you'll go down looking fabulous 😂🏋️‍♂️ #FitAndFunkyTillTheEnd"
5 months ago
Share →: The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

Commentary:
Oh, the saga of the eternal survivors in our fridges! 🥦🍓🥬 That healthy food sure knows how to outlast its less resilient companions. Maybe it's secretly plotting its takeover while basking in its longevity. 🤣 #FridgeSurvivalChampion
5 months ago
Share →: People on diet aren’t mad at you. They’re mad at their lunch.

Commentary:
"Remember, folks on a diet aren't giving you the side-eye – they're just staring down their salad like it stole their dreams 🥗😂 #FoodEnvy"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Commentary:
Don't you just love the power of proper punctuation? 😂 Looks like someone accidentally declared war on chocolate! 🍫 Hold strong, brave soul. May your resolve stay as firm as that rock-hard chocolate bar you're avoiding!
5 months ago
Share →: I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Commentary:
"Who needs a watch when you can tell time by your stomach growling? 🍔⏰ #FoodieLife #HungryAlways"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'cookie chaser' diet technique – because nothing says 'healthy lifestyle' like using dessert to swallow your diet pill 🍪💊 Hopefully the cookies don't cancel out the pill! 😅"
5 months ago
Share →: Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Commentary:
"Who needs enlightenment when you've got bacon sizzling in the pan? 🥓🙏 Bacon worship at its finest! 😄 #BaconOverBeliefs"
5 months ago
Share →: Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Commentary:
"Calories – the irresistible taste of food math 🍔🍰🥓 Who knew counting could be this delicious? Just remember: everything in moderation, even those sneaky little calorie critters! 😜🍴"