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85 Funny drinking quotes

Trending Funny Drinking Quotes 🔥

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.
I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.
Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.
Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.
Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

More funny drinking quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Commentary:
🍷🐱 "I admire this ambitious cat who is determined to become a connoisseur of fine wines! It's purr-fectly logical – let her sniff, swirl, and sip her way to a sommelier career! Who knows, maybe one day she'll be the one bringing home the bacon… or should I say bringing home the chardon-meow! 😸🍷"
5 months ago
Share →: The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Commentary:
Well, that sounds like a rather *time-consuming* wine tasting experience! 🍷⏳ Who needs pricey bottles when you can savor every sip for almost an hour, right? Cheers to enjoying the moment and making every minute count! 🥂😄
5 months ago
Share →: Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

Commentary:
"Alcohol: Your one-way ticket to avoiding responsibilities while staying in one spot! 🍻🏃‍♂️ #ProcrastinationStation"
5 months ago
Share →: My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

Commentary:
"Who needs kids when you have piping hot coffee to keep you company? ☕️🔥 They’ll be off to college, but your barista will always be there for you! 😂 #CoffeeOverKids"
5 months ago
Share →: Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's been on the express train to Disappointmentville! 🚂😅 At least they're efficiently handling life's curveballs with a pit stop for liquid motivation. Here's hoping the bar visit brings some much-needed cheer! 🍻🌟"
5 months ago
Share →: How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Commentary:
"Imagine being a vampire, trying to enjoy a nice, refreshing summer drink, and all you can find is hot blood 🧛‍♂️🩸 I guess those nighttime thoughts are really sucking the life out of you! 😂 #VampireProblems"
5 months ago
Share →: When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Commentary:
Ah, the bittersweet transition from being a regular at the bar to a VIP at the pharmacy 🍸💊 Here's to aging gracefully and getting carded for your medication instead of your drinks! 🎉 #CheersToGrowingUp
5 months ago
Share →: I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Commentary:
Looks like someone's priorities have been accidentally swapped! 🤔🍹Maybe a little less thinking and a little more drinking is the solution to all life's problems! 🥂#BottomsUp
5 months ago
Share →: I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

Commentary:
☕️ "I'm on my fifth cup of coffee today – you should consider yourself lucky I can still form coherent sentences around you. You're welcome for my caffeine-fueled kindness." 😜
5 months ago
Share →: Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Commentary:
"Who needs a boring old mug when you can feel like a secret agent with your coffee flask? 🕵️‍♂️ Just imagine the envy of your coworkers as they gaze upon your sleek accessory. 🤩 Channel your inner James Bond and sip your way to productivity! ☕️💼 #coffeeupgrade"