85 Funny drinking quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

  Commentary:
  Middle-aged math dilemma: going out for a night on the town feeling like you're 25 again 🍹, only to wake up the next day looking and feeling like you're pushing 70! 🤪🥴 Just another case of arithmetic not adding up in our favor! #AgeIsJustANumber

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

  Commentary:
  "Remember, behind every smiling face lies a hidden struggle. And if you want to add more drama to their day, just casually drop in the hydration reminder – that'll really keep the battle interesting! 💧😅 #ThirstyForSomeLaughs"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

  Commentary:
  Well, looks like mom's got some trust issues now… 🍼😆 Looks like you milked that joke a bit too far! 🥛😂 Hope she lactates some forgiveness soon! 🤣 #WhoopsMom #MamaMilkedIt #GotMomsAttention

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

  Commentary:
  "Pro tip: Keep a cheap bottle of wine handy at all times – it's like a hospitality safety net for family gatherings! 🍷😄 Just make sure it's tasty enough to avoid any awkward conversations 😉 #FamilyTime"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the classic toothpaste vs. drink battle – a timeless matchup indeed 🦷🚫🥤! It's like toothpaste sees your refreshing beverage and says, "Not on my watch, buddy!" 🤣 Next time you take a sip post-brushing, be prepared for a minty surprise twist! #ToothpasteVsDrinkBattle

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the 'dumbing down' strategy will have to wait! 😜 Maybe sticking with reality TV for now is the safer bet! 🍻 #CheersToClearMinds"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, a true connoisseur of the finer things in life! 🍷💬😬 Who needs boring hobbies when you can excel at the art of intriguing conversation and keeping things spicy? Cheers to being fabulously unconventional! 🥂💁‍♂️😜"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs deep conversations when you've got a bottle to pour out all your woes? 🍷 Thanksgiving goals: keep the wine flowing and the questions to a minimum! 😂 #CheersToAvoidingAwkwardChats"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

  Commentary:
  Ahoy there, matey! ☕️💪 Looks like we've got a Popeye in the making! Just remember, with great coffee comes great responsibility… and an undeniable urge to flex your muscles and shout, "I yam what I yam!" 💪😄 Keep chugging that coffee and watch out for any sudden urges to grow a sweet sailor's tattoo! ⚓️🌊 #CoffeePowersActivate 🚀

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like someone's setting the bar 🍺🔝 pretty high for drinking anecdotes! 🚓😂 So, who's ready to dial 911 for a good time? 🚨🥂 #DrunkAndDisorderly"

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