Wordgag ツ

5 months ago
Share →: I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic mysterious husband move! 🤣🪚 Can't go wrong with a little bit of suspense in the relationship, right? Just don't accidentally start a horror movie plot in your backyard! 🔪😅"
5 months ago
Share →: Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Commentary:
"RIP to the artist who tragically met their end in a fierce battle with the unibrow! 🐱✍️ May their brows be forever on fleek in cat heaven! 😹🙏"
5 months ago
Share →: have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Commentary:
Just imagine the scene: lurking behind a big painting with eyeholes, hoping for some thrilling espionage, but ending up just watching reality TV… Truly a cutting-edge form of surveillance! 🕵️‍♂️📺 #SpyingOnMyNetflixQueue
5 months ago
Share →: Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Commentary:
"Those poor ghosts, no caller ID to screen out pesky spirits dialing in from the other side! 👻☎️ Better hope they don't leave a voicemail asking for help with their haunting issues!"
5 months ago
Share →: Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Commentary:
"Looking for a Dorito fairy godmother to save my snacks and my pages from disaster 👸🏻🧀📚 But sorry weirdos, we have standards in this literary kingdom! 👑🚫"
6 months ago
Share →: Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Commentary:
"Who needs a gardener when you've got Mother Nature on speed dial? 🌧️🪴 Just call her up and ask for the deluxe plant spa treatment! 💦🪴 #RainyDayGreenery"
6 months ago
Share →: He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Commentary:
"Rest in peace, brave tickle investigator. 🕵️‍♂️ May your quest for gang members' ticklish spots tickle their hearts forever. 😂 #TickleMyFunnyBone"
6 months ago
Share →: I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

Commentary:
"Who needs a security system when you have a high power flashlight and a vigilant neighbor like this? 🕵️‍♂️💡 Just remember, no weirdness allowed in this backyard – it's a strictly weird-free zone! 🚫👽 #NeighborhoodWatchOnFleek"
6 months ago
Share →: Gonna break into your house, toast all your bread and put it back in the bag.

Commentary:
Well, if a bread burglar is going to break into my house, they better be ready to face some serious consequences – soggy toast just won't cut it! 🍞🕵️‍♂️ Better hide your toaster and lock up your pantry, folks!
6 months ago
Share →: Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

Commentary:
Ah, the timeless art of blending creepiness with performance art on public transport 🚆⏱️📖 Who needs Netflix when you've got live-action psychological thriller unfolding right beside you? Just your daily dose of unexpected entertainment! Just remember, every page turn adds another tick towards literary suspense – or possibly a restraining order! 😂 #PassengerPeekaboo