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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

The concept of a courtroom sketch artist is so funny to me. Here’s our little murder doodler.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

44 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Making waves on Twitch:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Trending via Instagram:

Be the reason someone spits out their drink today.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My wife is napping quietly and the villain of this story is about to be this sneeze.

Spotted on Telegram:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Going viral on Slack:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

44 minutes ago

Users Online

3,430

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Just asked this girl Hannah how she spells her name, and she just said, “Two of everything, darling.” Iconic!

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

If she doesn’t post you, take her phone, go live and introduce yourself!

Live now on YouTube:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

Trending via Facebook:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Making waves on YouTube:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

Reported on WeChat:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

Seen just now on Slack:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Just landed via WeChat:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

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