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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

How do I un-know people?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

Updated

41 minutes ago

Users Online

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

Broadcasted on X:

Sometimes your ankle takes a vacation while you’re walking.

Going viral on Discord:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Going viral on Reddit:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

Spotted on Facebook:

Men will ruin your whole life then come back and like your story.

Making waves on X:

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

Reported on Instagram:

My life coach traded me.

Shared recently on X:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

Updated

41 minutes ago

Users Online

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Next to nothing is a weird place.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

The length of a LinkedIn Post is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit in it.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Awesome that January is over, but rude that our reward for getting through it is February.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Can’t wait for my husband to see what he bought everyone for Christmas.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

That moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Just landed via Messenger:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Going viral on Instagram:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Shared recently on Instagram:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Just landed via Slack:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Shared recently on Twitch:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

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