Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone is looking for a more 'hands-on' approach to self-care. 🤪🛠️ Maybe a little fresh air and sunshine would do the trick too! ☀️ Just be sure to leave the shovels for gardening, not self-improvement projects!"
6 months ago
Share →: You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Commentary:
"Driving tip of the day: apparently, the road to becoming a pro driver doesn't include hitting curbs and making trash cans nervous. 🚗💨 Who knew, right? Watch out, Formula 1, here comes the trash can demolition derby champ!"
6 months ago
Share →: I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Commentary:
"Leaving a note suggesting a future showdown with a parked car? 🚗😂 That's one way to keep the other vehicles in line! Just hope they don't take it as a challenge. 😆 #ParkingWars"
6 months ago
Share →: Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Commentary:
"Well, that would definitely make customer service a lot more interesting! 😂 Imagine walking into a store not knowing if today is the day you'll get bopped on the head for being a difficult shopper. 🛒💢 Just another reason to be extra nice to retail staff! 🤣 #CustomerServiceGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's banking on their vocal talents to sleigh the retirement game! 🎤🎅 Who needs a 401(k) when you've got jingle bells and high notes to back you up? 🎶😄 #RockinAroundTheRetirementPlan"
6 months ago
Share →: Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Commentary:
"Basketball be like, 'Gimme that pumpkin, I need it!' 🎃🏀 Meanwhile, golf is out here like, 'Forget this egg, I'm sending it to the sun!' ☀️⛳️ Talk about some serious sporty shenanigans!"
6 months ago
Share →: A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Commentary:
"Ah, the designated hitter – the team's trusty savior when the rest of them have had a few too many curveballs! 🍻⚾️ Better watch out for those home runs… and hangovers! 😄"
6 months ago
Share →: Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Commentary:
"Life's a stage, and for serial killers and comedians alike, it's all about that elusive Netflix special 🎬 Or you might just end up on those 'shitty podcasts' discussing your quirky hobbies like collecting stamps or, uh, body parts 🤷‍♂️ Either way, make sure to choose your performances wisely! 😉"
6 months ago
Share →: Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Commentary:
Hmm, I hope your coworker didn't take that comment as a job application! 🙈 Remember, it's all fun and games until HR gets involved! 😂 #OfficeShenanigans
6 months ago
Share →: A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Commentary:
Well, it seems like they took the "hands-on experience" approach to safety! 🤕 Always good to be proactive 😂👷‍♂️ #SafetyFirst