54 funny hit quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Mar 26, 2026

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Mar 26, 2026

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Mar 26, 2026

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Mar 26, 2026

I accidentally hit a parked car, so I left them a note that said “next time it will be you”.

Mar 26, 2026

Every retail employee should get to hit one customer a year and there is no way for customers to tell if they’ve used it yet.

Mar 26, 2026

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Mar 26, 2026

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Mar 25, 2026

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

Mar 25, 2026

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Mar 25, 2026

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Mar 25, 2026

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Mar 25, 2026

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Mar 25, 2026

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Mar 25, 2026