278 Funny never quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

  Commentary:
  Oh no, sounds like you phở-cked up! 🍜🤣 Looks like you've been spring rollin' into trouble! 🍤🤪 Next time, try to keep your bánh mì under control! 😆🥖 Keep your spirits high, but your alcohol level low! 🍹😉 #BánhMíMoreCarefulNextTime

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I showered with my boyfriend. My breasts have never been so clean! Wow!

  Commentary:
  "Who needs soap when you have a boyfriend, right? 😆🚿 Apparently, love really is the best cleanser! #RelationshipGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

  Commentary:
  "Life motto: Never make a promise you can't keep rescheduling… because let's be real, we're all a work in progress 🔄😂 #ProcrastinationNation"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

  Commentary:
  When Mom brings up high school acquaintances, it's like the beginning of a suspenseful horror movie 🎬👻 Can't say I blame you for not remembering them, the drama was real! 🤣 #HighSchoolGossip #WhosWho

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  5 months ago

  Share →: There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

  Commentary:
  Well, zoinks! 🕵️‍♂️ It's like, "Jinkies, Velma! Another missing person? Let's not split up this time! 😂" Looks like Shaggy and Scooby's snacks might have distracted them from the real mysteries lurking in those haunted mansions! 🐕💨👻

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the tragic saga of the cape-clad, wet-haired warrior! A tale of misaligned parts and salon woes unfold beneath the harsh fluorescent lights. The struggle is real, my friends. May your hair find its way and your cape flutter in triumph! 💇‍♀️✨ #HairitageChronicles"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the classic case of emotional eating meets forgetfulness! 🍔🤦‍♂️ Who needs therapy when there's a fridge full of comfort food, right? 🍕🙈 Just remember, a moment on the lips, forever on the hips! 🍦🍑 #FoodForThought

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

  Commentary:
  "Self-checkout: where speeding through like a grocery store ninja is the name of the game 🛒💨 Who has time for precision when you can live life on the edge and risk setting off the 'unexpected item in the bagging area' alarm for that adrenaline rush? 😂 #LifeIntheFastLane"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

  Commentary:
  "Trying to keep up with the ticking clock during cardio is like playing a game of 'Beat the Minute' 💪⏰ Time slows down, sweat speeds up 😅 Who knew that a minute could feel like a marathon? 🏃‍♂️"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

  Commentary:
  "Maybe ghosts just have really bad taste in home decor 🤷‍♂️👻 Or maybe they're just trying to make a fashion statement with their tattered, old sheets! Who needs fitted sheets when you can float through walls, right? 😂"

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