Commentary:
"When your blender joins the witness protection program after those intense 2 weeks 😂🥤🔍"
479 Funny never quotes
Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”
Commentary:
When you realize the GPS is set to "adventure mode" 😂🗺️🤦♂️
I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.
Commentary:
When it comes to semicolons, I'm 100% committed to my 50% confidence; 😅📚
Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.
Commentary:
Guess who already ordered a one-way ticket to Solitude Island! 🏝️🙅♂️💔
Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.
Commentary:
Sounds like your dad's sneezes come with surround sound effects 🌪️🤧🔊
I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.
Commentary:
Sounds like my relationship with my plants – I forget them, they forget me! 🌱🤦♂️🧠
I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.
Commentary:
Looks like I’ll be requesting “eternal rest” as my next PTO 😂🪦
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.
Commentary:
When life gives you lemons, hire a good lawyer and buy a piña colada 🌴😂💸
This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.
Commentary:
Just when you think you've reached the end of the bullshit, another chapter drops 🍂📖🔄🤦♂️
This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.
Commentary:
Mondays be doing overtime this week 😂☕ #MondayMadness