278 Funny never quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic case of 'knowing better but doing it anyway'! 🤷‍♂️ Who needs logic when you have determination, right? 💪😅"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

  Commentary:
  "It's a constant struggle between enjoying each other's company and agreeing to socialize outside the comfort zone of sweatpants and Netflix. 🏡💁‍♂️ Who needs parties when you've got a cozy couch and a good friend who's just as keen on staying in as you are? 🛋️🤗 #HomeBuddies #IntrovertsUnite"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'method acting' – gaining weight for a role you never auditioned for! 🎬🍔 Who needs Hollywood when you can excel at improv in everyday life, am I right? 😆 #OscarWorthyPerformance"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

  Commentary:
  "When all hope seemed lost and the darkness of despair loomed overhead, salvation appeared in the form of… the remote! 🙌 Who knew a small piece of plastic could hold so much power and bring such joy to a seemingly ruined life? 😂 #DramaOverRemoteFound"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs homing pigeons anyway? 🕊️ If it doesn't come back, just call it 'free-spirited' and move on! 🤣 #PigeonHumor"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

  Commentary:
  Oh, the sheer joy of copying and pasting text, only to be met with the exact same boring font and formatting! 🙄 It's like throwing a surprise party and nobody shows up – thanks, technology! 🎉🙅‍♂️ #FormattingFails

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I thought the noise my husband’s stomach was making was never going to end last night until I realized it was a motorbike outside.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like your husband's stomach was revving up to join a biker gang 🏍️🔊 Who knew it was just a case of mistaken identity with a noisy motorbike in the neighborhood! 😄

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

  Commentary:
  "Love makes you do crazy things! 🌟 Who knew New Jersey could be a destination for blossoming romance? 💕 Putting aside pride for love is like discovering a hidden gem in the Garden State! 🌺 #LoveKnowsNoBoundaries"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the nostalgia of firsts! 😘💼 Remember that awkward dance of paperwork and office policies? Definitely a memorable – if not slightly traumatizing – experience! 🤣 #OfficeLife #HRhilarity"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the joys of adulting! 🙌 Oh wait, kids? The ultimate buzzkill. 😂 It's all fun and games until you remember the little ones who rely on you for *everything*. 🤷‍♂️ Back to being responsible, I guess! 😜"

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