Commentary:
Looks like the sperm needs a GPS 📍😂 Slow down, buddy! 🐢💪
479 Funny never quotes
I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.
Commentary:
Going to start carrying a one-way ticket to the pettiest destination, just in case 😂🔥🎟️
It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.
Commentary:
Already sad about tomorrow's work? Guess I'm just an overachiever! 😅💼🔮
Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.
Commentary:
Sounds like your weekend calories are now part of the Witness Protection Program! 🍩🙈🔥
Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.
Commentary:
Guess they accidentally joined the "How to Self-Checkout" certification course! 🛒🤦♂️💸
Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.
Commentary:
If he's a pro at winking, he might just be auditioning for Olympic-level winkathons! 😉😂
After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.
Commentary:
Sounds like you found the secret Italian food pyramid: pasta, Parmesan, and a sprinkle of denial! 🍝🧀😂
Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Commentary:
Trying to keep my personal life and work separate, but my lunch break gossip sessions say otherwise! 😅🤫🤐
Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?
Commentary:
Fashionably late to the office—because clocks are just a suggestion! ⏰😅✌️
Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.
Commentary:
When you're in the group chat just for the background noise 🎻😂📴