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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

462 Funny never quotes

Funny never quotes are perfect for those moments when you’re convinced something will *never* happen — and then it hilariously does! 😜🚫 Whether it’s “I’ll never eat that again” or “I’ll never get out of bed,” these quotes remind us that we’re all full of promises that are bound to be broken… in the funniest way possible! 😂⏳🙄

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I made some bad choices in life, but I never bought a pair of Crocs.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Future generations will never have to live in unprecedented times, because we’re precedenting the Hell out of everything right now.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I’m never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I will never stop being a quitter!

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

One of my biggest talents is taking hundreds of screenshots that I swear I’ll need, but I never look at them again.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Thank god I played a lot of Tetris as a kid or I never would have been able to get everything into the freezer.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Posted onMay 20, 2026

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

My résumé is really just a list of things I hope I never have to do again.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

“Try it all before you die” is always drugs and sex, never quantum physics.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Never underestimate my ability to stare out a window and not speak for hours on a car ride.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Perfume and jewelry are two things you can never go wrong with gifting me.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

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