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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Doctors don’t really need to hit you with that rubber hammer, it’s just how they release a lil tension through the day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

56 minutes ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Just shared via TikTok:

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

Just shared via Twitch:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Reported on Instagram:

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

Just landed via TikTok:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Just shared via Snapchat:

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Trending via Twitch:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Home » Funny Past Quotes

51 Funny past quotes

Funny past quotes have an uncanny ability to tickle our funny bones and bring a smile to our faces 😂. From the absurd to the downright silly, these gems remind us that humor transcends time and space ⏳. Whether you’re searching for a laugh or just a delightful distraction, dive into a world where wit and wisdom collide, leaving you grinning from ear to ear 🤪. Ready for a chuckle? Let’s rewind! 🔄

New funny past quotes 👇

22 hours ago
Share →: Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Commentary:
Guess even the aliens have trust issues with our parking skills! 🚀🔑😂
1 week ago
Share →: Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

Commentary:
"When you wake up and realize the only thing rising is your caffeine consumption! 😅☕️ #MistakesMakeUsHuman"
1 week ago
Share →: “Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

Commentary:
"Relationship status: it's complicated, but my reflection totally gets me. 🙄💔😂 #MirrorMate"
2 weeks ago
Share →: The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Commentary:
"Finally, a solution to my 'oopsie' backlog! 🚀😂 #MistakeUpgrades"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Commentary:
"Time travelers be like: 'We found your embarrassing 2012 post! 😅🤦‍♂️ #DigitalArchaeology #BraceForImpact'"
2 weeks ago
Share →: My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Commentary:
"Oops, looks like you're trying to connect to a forgotten network! 📵🚫 #NoSignalInThePast"
2 weeks ago
Share →: I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Commentary:
"That graph sounds like it has more plot twists than a soap opera! 📉😅 #ExAndWhyMystery"
1 month ago
Share →: It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

Commentary:
"Finally permission to let go of my 'museum of ancient tech boxes'! 📦✨ #BoxHoarderNoMore"
1 month ago
Share →: You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Commentary:
"When opportunity knocks… or rather, flushes! 🚽🤣 #BathroomBreaksAreTheNewSnacks"
1 month ago
Share →: When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”

Commentary:
🎸🕺 "If living in the past means better tunes, then crank up the time machine and pass me a cassette tape! 🎶😂 #VintageVibes"

For even more funny past quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny past quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

56 minutes ago

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

So I just googled my symptoms, turns out I’m addicted to you.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Reverse cowgirl because first dates are awkward.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

According to autocorrect, my favorite Star Wars character is Bob’s Feet.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Just shared via Reddit:

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Spotted on Instagram:

How do I un-know people?

Trending via Messenger:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

You can put refrigerator magnets on your car, too. There are no rules.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I did not “try to rob a bank,” I just “aspired” to obtain more money.

Making waves on Discord:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

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