44 Funny past quotes

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  1 day ago

  View →: It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.
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  3 days ago

  View →: You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”
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  3 days ago

  View →: When people say, “Stop living in the past,” my thought in turn is, “But the music was so much better then!”
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  3 days ago

  View →: Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.
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  2 weeks ago

  View →: You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.
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  3 weeks ago

  View →: Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.
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  1 month ago

  View →: I used to have a great future in my past.
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  1 month ago

  View →: Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.
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  3 months ago

  View →: The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.
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  3 months ago

  View →: Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.
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  3 months ago

  View →: I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.
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  3 months ago

  View →: I’m so thankful I had a childhood before technology took over.
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  3 months ago

  View →: I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.
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  3 months ago

  View →: I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.
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  4 months ago

  View →: What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”
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  4 months ago

  View →: Any time I throw up, I stare at it like I’m getting a message from the past.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.
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  4 months ago

  View →: So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.
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  4 months ago

  View →: LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.
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  4 months ago

  View →: You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.
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  4 months ago

  View →: ‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!
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  4 months ago

  View →: I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”
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  5 months ago

  View →: Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.
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  5 months ago

  View →: “I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

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