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15,825 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: May 31, 2026

 

 

 

 

72 Funny past quotes

Funny past quotes have an uncanny ability to tickle our funny bones and bring a smile to our faces 😂. From the absurd to the downright silly, these gems remind us that humor transcends time and space ⏳. Whether you’re searching for a laugh or just a delightful distraction, dive into a world where wit and wisdom collide, leaving you grinning from ear to ear 🤪. Ready for a chuckle? Let’s rewind! 🔄

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

Posted onMay 24, 2026May 24, 2026

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

Posted onMay 20, 2026May 20, 2026

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

Posted onMay 19, 2026

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