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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,634

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’d be less aggressive in the morning if I could drive to work in a tank.

Live now on TikTok:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Freshly posted on Threads:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Breaking via Discord:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

Going viral on Discord:

Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

Just landed via Twitch:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Spreading quickly via X:

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

Live now on TikTok:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

Funny quantity quotes

Funny quantity quotes bring a hilarious twist to numbers and measurements that’ll make you laugh out loud 🤣📏 Whether it’s counting your snacks 🍕 or measuring your coffee intake ☕, these witty gems add fun to everyday math moments! Get ready to giggle and rethink quantities in the quirkiest way possible. Numbers have never been this entertaining! 🎉🔢

New funny quantity quotes 👇

All funny quantity quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again because I have a terrible memory.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

When my husband says, “Let me ask my wife,” he’s just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever you’re asking him to do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,346

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

My bathroom mirror after a long party weekend: “Girl, those vitamins can’t help you now.”

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If you’re feeling a little uneasy about the state of global geopolitics, remember to spend as much time on your phone as possible. The more information you ingest as you scroll, the calmer you will become.

Just shared via WeChat:

My sister: snowboards. My brother: skateboards. Me: charcuterie boards.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

Making waves on Threads:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

Just shared via TikTok:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Just shared via Instagram:

I’m gonna start telling men I know a spot and it’s just me dropping them off at therapy.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

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