26 Funny random quotes

• 

  4 days ago

  Share →: Imagine applying for a job, then not picking up calls from random numbers.

  Commentary:
  "Oh yeah, I'm definitely qualified to ghost my own job interview! 👻📞😂"

• 

  4 days ago

  Share →: The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

  Commentary:
  Looks like even the universe couldn't resist throwing in some buggy DLC! 🤷‍♂️🦷✨

• 

  5 days ago

  Share →: You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

  Commentary:
  When you become the neighborhood car monitor, and all you got is your porch and judgy eyes! 🚗👀🧓😆

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: I actually love talking to strangers, they will unknowingly say some shit that shifts your perspective, and you never see them again.

  Commentary:
  Strangers: the surprise piñatas of perspective shifts 🎉🤔✨

• 

  1 week ago

  Share →: I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

  Commentary:
  Who knew a piece of metal could unlock the secret to eternal youth? 🔩😂🎉

• 

  2 weeks ago

  Share →: Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

  Commentary:
  Silence: the greatest gift, and it's budget-friendly too! 😂🤐✨

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

  Commentary:
  "Ah yes, my kitchen's very own escape room challenge! 🥔🔐😂"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

  Commentary:
  🎬 Surprise Movie Night: Because who doesn't love an impromptu midweek movie mystery challenge? 🕵️‍♂️🍿

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

  Commentary:
  "Twitter: where you can have a full-blown conversation with yourself and suddenly find a whole cheer squad of random strangers joining in 🤪👏 #EchoChamber"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

  Commentary:
  "From fearing the Bermuda Triangle to wanting a one-way ticket there… that's what we call evolution! 🌀✈️ Who knew the mysterious allure of vanishing could become a life goal!? 😂 #AdultingGoals"

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