Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents. Posted on5 days ago
When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid. Posted on5 days ago
Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much. Posted on5 days ago
The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing. Posted on5 days ago
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! Posted on6 days ago
King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code. Posted on7 days ago
By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime. Posted on7 days ago
Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life. Posted on7 days ago
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure. Posted on7 days ago
Honestly, shopping beats therapy, anytime. It costs the same and you get a dress out of it. Posted on1 week ago