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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,290

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Live now on TikTok:

Not trying to brag but I just beat the high score on this blood pressure machine.

Trending via Messenger:

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

Spotted on Twitch:

Depression is embarrassing because sometimes it makes you miss appointments and not return phone calls, and when the fog starts to lift, you gotta do a whole bloody apology tour.

Going viral on TikTok:

Gosh, being a princess is exhausting.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Going viral on WeChat:

They need to increase life expectancy so I can squeeze in another mid-life crisis.

Funny stab quotes

Funny stab quotes are the perfect mix of wit and cheeky humor to keep things sharp and entertaining 😜✨ Whether you love clever comebacks or just enjoy a good laugh with a side of sass, these quotes will slice through the boredom and leave you grinning 🤣🔪 Ready to embrace the playful sting of humor? Dive in and let the fun begin! 🎉😂

New funny stab quotes 👇

All funny stab quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Twitch this month:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

It’s actually crazy we figured out how to grow real diamonds that are cheaper and better quality than the real thing, and so many people are still like, no thanks, the suffering is what makes it special.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

Celebrating President’s Day by not doing anything I promised I would.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

87 shares on Slack this month:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

24 shares on Slack this month:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re either really good at wrapping presents or you’re really beautiful and funny. It’s one or the other.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sending messages is easy. Living with them forever is the hard part.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The 69 obsession turning into 67 is a recession indicator.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,349

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Situationship where the situation is being madly in love with each other.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I only drink when I people.

Trending via Discord:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

“It’s been a long week!” Me, on a Tuesday.

Breaking via Slack:

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Making waves on WeChat:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Going viral on YouTube:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

Just shared via X:

Alexa, mute my children.

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