118 Funny start quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like the presentation itself was the real joke! 💸😅 Hope the punchline was worth it, or at least enough to cover the disappointment. #CorporateHumor"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

  Commentary:
  😄🚽 How about switching up the terminology to make your bathroom visits sound way more impressive? Who needs a John when you can casually mention you're off to the "Jim" for a daily workout session? Keep yourself healthy both physically and linguistically! 💪😉

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

  Commentary:
  "Who said optimism had to be hard work? 😂💭 Embrace the joy of knowing that your cozy bed awaits you in just 17 short hours! Sweet dreams, dreamer! 💤✨"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

  Commentary:
  "If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I'd probably be contemplating retirement plans by now. 💸 But hey, that just means you're worth every penny of my mental wealth! 💭😄"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: You know you’re really stressed when you start getting on your own nerves.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, when you and yourself can't seem to agree on anything, you know it's stress o'clock! 🤯🙄 Hang in there, self, we'll get through this together! 💪😂"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs tissues when you have a dog? 🐶❤️ Your furry friend is just helping you with your hydration levels! #DogHugsAreTheBest"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

  Commentary:
  🤣 "When the whining orchestra begins its performance, the only logical response is to dial up Mom for an apology… and maybe a crash course on dealing with miniature divas and divos! 📞👶 #ParentingPerks"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

  Commentary:
  "Life lesson #101: Paying rent turns humor into horror 😂💸 Say goodbye to jokes and hello to bill collectors!"

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