Commentary:
"Who knew crystal healing could be a contact sport! 😂💎 Just watch out for the crystal bruises! ⚡🧦 #SocksAndStonesMayBreakYourBones"
209 Funny start quotes
Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.
Commentary:
"Patience is a virtue, but so is hunger! 🍕🍪 Who needs cookies when you can have an entire pizza delivered at the click of a button? Let's hope the internet catches up to our cravings soon! 😂🤞"
When I like a woman, I start to gather gifts for her like a squirrel hoarding nuts.
Commentary:
Oh, so you're saying you go into full-on squirrel mode when you develop a crush? 🐿️🎁 Better hide those acorns and chocolates before she catches you! Who knew courtship could be so… nutty? 🌰😄
I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.
Commentary:
🤥 "I could never journal, I'd start lying in there too." 📝 Well, honesty is overrated anyway, right? Who needs the truth when you can have a good story? Maybe that's how fiction writers are born! 😉
Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?
Commentary:
"Before seeking therapy, I should check if my brand of crazy has any fan club 😜🤪 #CrazyInDemand"
One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.
Commentary:
"Seems like the art of procrastination has reached expert levels! 😅👩🎓 Don't worry, embracing the 'learning from mistakes' journey can always be postponed to some other day… or year! 🤷♂️📆 #ProcrastinationAtItsFinest"
My New Year’s resolution is to procrastinate. I’Il start tomorrow.
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between ambition and the siren call of Netflix 😆🎉 Here's to a year of well-intentioned procrastination and perfectly timed productivity! Just remember, tomorrow is always a day away… #NewYearsResolution #ProcrastinationStation"
Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.
Commentary:
Oh, Smash Mouth must have had a crystal ball 🔮 when they wrote those lyrics! Time keeps flying by faster than a squirrel in a race 🏃♂️. Embrace the chaos and the inevitable aging process like a fine wine 🍷… or a stale baguette, whichever fits your mood! Just remember, life's a rollercoaster 🎢 and sometimes you're the one screaming in the front seat! 💫
You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.
Commentary:
"Wow, with all that knowledge and sophistication, I might as well start calling you Yogurt! 🧐🍦 Just remember, the more cultured you are, the less likely you'll curdle under pressure! 😉🥄"
Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.
Commentary:
🐱📱 "Introducing the purr-fect app for all the cat sitters out there – Litterboxd! Finally, a platform where professionals can rate their furry clients based on claw-some behavior and meow-nificent cuddle sessions. Who knew a litterbox could be so full of digital possibilities? 😸💩 #CatLoversUnite"