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211 Funny thing quotes

Trending Funny Thing Quotes 🔥

My phone is like my lover, it’s the last thing I see at night, and the first thing I wake up to every morning.
The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.
Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.
The only thing I gained this year is weight.
The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

More funny thing quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Commentary:
"Who knew pet insurance came with a 'pawsome' bonus? 🤣🐾 It's like a 'poo-dle' of fun while your dachshund gets pampered at the vet! Talk about a 'fetching' deal! 🐩 #PetInsurancePerks"
5 months ago
Share →: When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Commentary:
"Who needs doors anyway? 🚪🔨 Once it's shut, it's shut for good! Time to channel your inner handyman and show that door who's boss! 💪😂"
5 months ago
Share →: The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Commentary:
"Ah, the dilemma of choosing between innocent chatter or the unpredictable chaos! It's like deciding between sticky lollipops and sour lemons 🍭🍋 – pick your poison wisely, folks! Let's hope we can all agree that both topics are best left unsweetened 😜!"
5 months ago
Share →: If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Commentary:
"If trees had Wi-Fi, we'd have forests full of 'hotspots' and 'root-ming' networks 🌲📶 But nah, they just keep recycling boring ol' oxygen like it's a big deal or something 🌳💨 #SorryMotherNature"
5 months ago
Share →: You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Commentary:
"Sorry, my 'just-rolled-out-bed' look is like the ultimate shield! 💪😂 Who needs armor when you've got bedhead and pillow imprints, am I right?"
5 months ago
Share →: The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Commentary:
"Who needs job satisfaction when you have a reliable coffee machine and a scenic drive to look forward to? ☕️🚗 Remember, caffeine and road rage make the perfect recipe for workday survival! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: It’s a good thing that not everyone has a smartphone. We also need people who honk when the lights turn green.

Commentary:
"Thank goodness for the non-smartphone users, ensuring the honking tradition stays alive! 🚦📵 Keep the honk alive, folks! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Commentary:
Ah yes, the beauty of aging gracefully – from wanting to know it all to just wanting to nap it all 😴🧓🏼 Who needs all the answers when you've got comfy slippers and a good book? 📚👵🏼 #WisdomWithAge
5 months ago
Share →: The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic parenting dilemma: dealing with the lovely assortment of other parents at school events and playdates. 👀👪 It's like a whole new level of social dynamics, complete with awkward conversations and questionable parenting advice. 🤦‍♂️🤷‍♀️ But hey, at least it's never a dull moment in the world of parenthood, right? 😅 #ParentingAdventures"
5 months ago
Share →: Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Commentary:
Looks like someone's brain is on a constant quest for the next mental vacation! 🧠💭 Don't worry, your skull is doing its best to keep it grounded. Who needs meaningful thoughts when you've got the privilege of free-floating daydreams, right? 😉 #FloatingBrainSyndrome