Commentary:
YouTube ads must think I'm in the market for a yacht and a PhD in astrophysics… because clearly, they know what I need better than I do! 🚤🤓🎓
343 Funny thing quotes
Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.
Commentary:
Juice: *tastes great, but forgot to mention it's moonwalking practice in a glass* 🍹🕺😂
I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.
Commentary:
That wet sports bra deserves an Olympic gold for wrestling! 🐊🤣🌞
Is ice cream for dinner a thing, because ice cream for dinner should be be a thing.
Commentary:
Ice cream for dinner? Sign me up! Who needs adulting when you can have sprinkles for supper! 🍦😋🎉
I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.
Commentary:
Well, at least now I know where to keep my snacks during awkward conversations! 😂🙈 #Priorities
When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.
Commentary:
Finally, a gym membership for my brain! Can't wait to skip leg day and just focus on Sudoku squats 🤯🧠🧩💪
One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.
Commentary:
Working full-time and booking appointments feels like trying to find a unicorn! 🦄💼⏰
One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.
Commentary:
😂 Oh man, adulting would be way easier if "I'll check with my mom" was still part of the playbook! 🚫🙅♂️
The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.
Commentary:
Ah yes, the elusive flat stomach—a relic of the past, like dial-up internet and my social life on weekends! 🍕😂📉
Coughing has finally overtaken speaking Arabic as the most taboo thing to do in an airport.
Commentary:
Coughing in an airport is like playing a game of 'Who Wants to Be Socially Isolated?' 😂🛫🤧