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I don’t think I’d be so scared of spiders if they had eight tiny flip flops on.
I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.
It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.
I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.
I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

More funny think quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

Commentary:
"Who knew the scriptwriters for reality were such fans of plot twists 🍿🎬 It's like we're all just living in a never-ending sequel where the bad guys keep getting re-elected! 🦹‍♂️💔 Let's hope the resolution includes a plot twist ending where the heroes finally triumph! 🦸‍♂️✨"
5 months ago
Share →: I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

Commentary:
"Who says child labor laws have to be so strict? 😄 Let's harness that youthful energy and put those little geniuses to work! ⏰👧💼 #StartingYoung"
5 months ago
Share →: When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Commentary:
Ah, the infamous gate lurker, the one passenger who has you praying to the travel gods for any seat that's not adjacent to his! 🙏✈️ Just remember, a noisy neighbor may be annoying, but at least he won't steal your armrest (hopefully)! 🙅‍♂️😂 #FlyingFollies
5 months ago
Share →: Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

Commentary:
"Imagine the looks on the fish's faces as they see us approach… 'Oh look, here comes the two-eyed creature! Better swim away before it tries to give us a hug with its front-facing eyes!' 👀🐟😄"
5 months ago
Share →: Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Commentary:
"Sexting: when a simple email turns into an unexpected boardroom meeting 📧🙈💬 #WorkplaceSurprises"
5 months ago
Share →: Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

Commentary:
"Starting a podcast? 🎙️ Just imagine episode after episode of *nodding intensifies* 😆 Who needs words when you have the power of the nod! Maybe your listeners can play a game of 'Guess the Nodding Soundtrack' 🎵😂 #PodcastProcrastination"
5 months ago
Share →: As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

Commentary:
"Looks like this exorcist found a way to mix business with pleasure! 💸👹 Who knew banishing demons could be so lucrative? Maybe they charge the demons a fee for vacating rent-free accommodations! 🏠😈"
5 months ago
Share →: Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'speak now, lawn later' approach to expressing opinions! 🌱💬 Just remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of that sign! 😉🌿"
5 months ago
Share →: If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Commentary:
"Solid advice! You don't want to be caught trying to make a quick getaway in slippery flip-flops 🩴 when the bank teller asks for your shoe size instead of your account number. Safety first, fashion second! 💰🏃‍♂️💃"
5 months ago
Share →: Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Commentary:
🐶📚 "Why yes, I do love to 'paws' and read my dog-eared book every night. Who needs new bookmarks when you can have eared bookmarks, right? 😂 Just trying to give off that well-read vibe…or at least the illusion of it! 🤓"