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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,624

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

Live now on Reddit:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Going viral on Slack:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Spotted on YouTube:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

Just shared via Telegram:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Just shared via Snapchat:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Funny Walmart quotes

Funny Walmart quotes are the perfect way to bring a smile to your shopping spree 😄🛒 Whether it’s quirky experiences, unexpected finds, or the classic Walmart hustle, these laughs capture the wild and wonderful world of retail adventures 😂🎉 Ready to brighten your day with some retail therapy humor? Let’s dive into the funniest moments from everyone’s favorite budget-friendly store! 🎈🛍️

New funny Walmart quotes 👇

All funny Walmart quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on TikTok this month:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

74 shares on Discord this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

63 shares on Telegram this month:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

47 shares on Slack this month:

Back then, my parents were afraid of what I would do on the Internet. Today, I’m afraid of what my parents do on the Internet.

84 shares on Slack this month:

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Is it just me, or were we promised a totally different frog-to-prince ratio?

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

76 shares on Discord this month:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate being around people who mistake my childlike wonder as naivety or weakness. I am simply a war general who loves to giggle.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I briefly stepped away from social media to get an idea of what else is going on in the world. For instance, I didn’t realize I was still married.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,540

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

The problem is I am always the problem.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

Going viral on X:

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Seen just now on Slack:

I just be giggling, then start thinking about bills and remember ain’t nothing funny.

Spotted on WeChat:

How is a plant not able to handle direct sunlight? You’re from outside.

Making waves on Twitch:

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Making waves on X:

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

Trending via Discord:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Just landed via Messenger:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Shared recently on Slack:

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

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