348 Funny want quotes

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  4 months ago

  Share →: If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the cosmic giggle that must echo through the heavens when we try to impress the big guy with our squeaky ambitions! 🎈😂 Just imagine God chuckling as we float away with our high-pitched dreams! 🤣 #DivineHumor"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew climbing the career ladder could involve so many unexpected hurdles, like uncomfortable baby diapers? 🧐💼 Don't worry, just keep your head high and your diaper higher! 😆👶 #CareerGoals"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

  Commentary:
  "Life hack: Solving the awkward small talk dilemma one cozy day at a time 🏡 Just add pajamas and Netflix for maximum avoidance success! 💁‍♂️ #HomebodyWinning"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

  Commentary:
  "Hey, if you're gonna critique my driving, do it from a safe distance – like the sidewalk! 🚗💨 Just saying, it's hard to focus on road rage when you're riding my car like a hood ornament! 😂 #DrivingDrama"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Your twenties are for working towards a life you later won’t want.

  Commentary:
  "Your twenties are like playing a game where you spend all your energy collecting Monopoly money only to realize you'd rather be playing Candy Land 🎲🍭 #AdultingFail"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the unfair advantage of being a bear! 🐻🍴 Who knew that breaking the law could look so appealing? Maybe we should all consider roaming the woods and dining like bears – sounds tempting, doesn't it? 😂 #BearLife

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

  Commentary:
  "Whoever said you can't have it all clearly hasn't met me 😏 Let's aim for a life filled with laughter and pleasure – it's all about that good vibe energy! 😂💥 #FunnyQuotes #LifeGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the infamous work meeting – modern day assassin of productivity! Beware, lest you end up like Julius Caesar. 🗡️💼 #EtTuZoomMeeting"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I don’t want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within three weeks not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser.

  Commentary:
  "Breaking news: Cooking wizardry achieved! 🧙‍♂️💥 Closing that tab like a boss, because who needs recipes taking up precious browser real estate? 😜 #KitchenPro #MissionAccomplished"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I relate to a rooster because I also want start off my day by screaming.

  Commentary:
  🐔 "I relate to a rooster because I also want to start my day off by screaming… or at least hitting the snooze button repeatedly! 😂🚨 Rise and shine, or snooze and whine – the eternal morning struggle!"

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