549 funny want quotes - Page 11 - Wordgag

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

May 22, 2026

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

May 22, 2026

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

May 22, 2026

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

May 22, 2026

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

May 22, 2026

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

May 22, 2026

I deliberately don’t go to bed early. I don’t want to look like I could be useful for anything the next day.

May 22, 2026

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

May 22, 2026

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

May 22, 2026

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

May 22, 2026

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

May 22, 2026

I’m sick of getting woken up at 6am by the bin men. I just want a nice sleep but they always insist that I get out of the bin before they collect it.

May 22, 2026

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

May 22, 2026

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

May 22, 2026

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

May 22, 2026

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

May 22, 2026

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

May 22, 2026

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

May 22, 2026

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

May 22, 2026

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

May 22, 2026

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

May 21, 2026

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

May 21, 2026

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

May 21, 2026

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

May 21, 2026

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

May 21, 2026

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

May 21, 2026

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

May 21, 2026

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

May 21, 2026

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

May 21, 2026

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

May 21, 2026

“You just want an easy life.” Should I want a difficult one?

May 21, 2026

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

May 21, 2026

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

May 21, 2026

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

May 21, 2026

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

May 21, 2026

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

May 21, 2026

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

May 21, 2026

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

May 21, 2026

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

May 21, 2026

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

May 21, 2026