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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

50 minutes ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Shared recently on Instagram:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

Trending via YouTube:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Going viral on X:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Reported on WhatsApp:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Making waves on Telegram:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

6 months ago

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Next time you're running late for a dental appointment, just imagine your dentist getting ready to work on your teeth with a very determined look 😬. Maybe that'll motivate you to be on time – can't risk having your dentist play guessing games with which tooth to drill! ⏰⌛️😆"

appointment, dental, dentist, humor, joke, late, me, should, start, tell

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,953

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,953

50 minutes ago

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I’m so unpopular at school they call me “Batteries”. I’m never included in anything.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Sometimes you just gotta say LOL and move on.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Declined stepping on the scale at the doctor’s office because no one needs that kind of negativity in her life.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Live now on WeChat:

What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

Shared recently on Slack:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Seen just now on Messenger:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Just shared via YouTube:

The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

Spotted on TikTok:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

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