Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Gun violence? Nah, I'm more of a 'reload my pill caddy and remote batteries' kind of person. Stay loaded, but in a different way! 💊🔋😅"

battery, caddy, commit, context, gun, humor, i, know, never, pill, reload, remote, things, violence

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

0

4 weeks ago

accent, Chinese, Chinese accent, cracking, funny prayer, God, humor, laughter, prayer, praying
A selfie only a mother could like.

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2 months ago

camera, family, humor, joke, mother, only, parenting, photo, selfie
My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

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3 months ago

bad, bad luck, commute, driving, every, frustration, going, hell, hitting, humor, light, luck, red, red light, super, super talent, talent, traffic, wherever
All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

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3 months ago

3, bathroom, bedroom, buy, Christmas, crash, house, housing, housing market, humor, i, market, price, want, wish, year
My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

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2 months ago

aspiration, crime, day, detective, humor, murder, mystery, solve, train, whodunit
I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

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2 months ago

action, action figure, activity, board, board game, disappointment, expectation, figure, fun, fun activity, game, games, humor, i, me, play, puzzle, relationship, thought, wanted

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

28 shares on Threads this month:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

34 shares on X this month:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

39 shares on Reddit this month:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet made out of Legos than go to my high school reunion.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I feel like I should give my air conditioner a plaque for employee of the month.

Trending via Reddit:

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

Trending via Pinterest:

Life is really sucking the life out of me.

Just shared via Discord:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Just shared via Telegram:

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

Just shared via WeChat:

We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

Breaking via Threads:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

Seen just now on Reddit:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

A selfie only a mother could like.

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

I see no action figures, puzzles, or board games. I thought you said you wanted to play with me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨