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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡Ό has bookmarked:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡Ώ has shared:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ύ has bookmarked:

How did Satoshi write the code of Bitcoin before Claude?

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Ή has shared:

β€œI’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has downloaded:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has copied:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,641

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Going bananas on Messenger:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Spotted on YouTube:

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

Just landed via Instagram:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Just shared via Telegram:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Shared recently on Twitch:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Making waves on X:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Just landed via TikTok:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Spotted on Twitch:

I only accept apologies in cash.

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

Funny quote about hunger and dieting struggles, featuring witty humor and playful tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Trying to diet but failing miserably? Blame it on that pesky condition called being HUNGRY πŸ”πŸŸπŸ¦. No shame in prioritizing your stomach's needs over salad, right? πŸ˜‰"

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Threads this month:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

42 shares on Twitch this month:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

I told my suitcase we wouldn’t be going on vacation this year; now it’s dead inside and I’m left with emotional baggage.

10 shares on Twitch this month:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

80 shares on X this month:

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’ve decided to give people an attitude instead of gifts this year.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œDo what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

17 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

19 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

This year I’d like an advent calendar with 24 different tranquilizers.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ό has shared:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Someone from πŸ‡«πŸ‡― has bookmarked:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡Ώ has copied:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡¨ has downloaded:

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ό has viewed:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ύ has copied:

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ό has downloaded:

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via WeChat:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Just shared via Reddit:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Just landed via Slack:

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Trending via Twitch:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Spotted on Telegram:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Going viral on Reddit:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

Just shared via Slack:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Just shared via WeChat:

You can get addicted to a certain kind of swagness.

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