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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

You call it nagging, I call it ‘listen to what I said the first time!’

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

80 percent of my life now is just “hmmmm… should I bring my jacket or not?”

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I have good problem-solving skills, but my problem-creating skills are where I really shine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Going viral on Pinterest:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Trending via WeChat:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Trending via Threads:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Shared recently on Threads:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’ve been saying for years that cigs are better for you than vapes, and the vindication I feel now is just orgasmic.

Just landed via Facebook:

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

Just shared via Pinterest:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Just landed via Twitch:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

6 days ago

Witty quote about spontaneous speech, highlighting humorous surprise and playful honesty.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the thrill of living dangerously in the world of spontaneous speech! Who needs a script when you can keep yourself and others on their toes with your verbal acrobatics? It's like a game of linguistic roulette – will it be a gem or a gaffe? Stay tuned, folks!"

communication, humor, self-awareness, speaking, spontaneity, surprise, thinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

36 shares on Snapchat this month:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

As a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends. As an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Boyfriends sound cool and all, but unfortunately, I enjoy not talking for days at a time.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,470

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

Live now on Pinterest:

Getting a girlfriend is actually very easy, you just have to spin a basketball on your finger.

Live now on Pinterest:

I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Live now on WeChat:

A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

Just landed via Threads:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Going bananas on Facebook:

The divorce process is easier than breaking up with your hair stylist.

Seen just now on Discord:

I don’t know who needs to hear this but you’re not dying, it’s just Monday.

Trending via Facebook:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

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