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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,469

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

Avocado is just green butter.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The fun thing about Airbnb is that you get to clean someone else’s house on your vacation.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Watching 2+ movies a day to prevent a thought from happening.

Shared recently on X:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Spotted on Facebook:

Still hard to believe that access to infinite information made us dumber.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

Going viral on Snapchat:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Going viral on X:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about parenting patience with a playful vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Parenting: transforming infinite patience into 'Did you just eat that off the floor?!' in 0.5 seconds. 🤦‍♂️👶 #ParentLife"

expectations, family, humor, i, irony, kids, parent, parenting, patience, patient

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18 shares on Reddit this month:

Having a job ruined my life.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

52 shares on X this month:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

40 shares on X this month:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

Shared recently on Threads:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Trending via Facebook:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

Just landed via TikTok:

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Breaking via X:

Whoever created / mandated the auto start-stop feature on cars should be dragged into the town square to be tarred and feathered!

Making waves on X:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Live now on Snapchat:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

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Activity Log ✨

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨