Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.