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Commentary:
"Embracing full-on self-absorption: the ultimate defense against the annoying flaws of humanity. Who needs other people's drama when you've got your own fabulous self to focus on? 💁‍♂️💅 #SelfLoveGoals"

being, flaws, growth, humor, irritation, mindset, personal, personal growth, perspective, self-absorbed

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

4 months ago

dream, excuse, humor, i, jealousy, just, mad, marriage, me, relationship, say, second, secret, wife
Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

2 months ago

chocolate, comfort, humor, indulgence, questions, silly, treat, understanding
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

1 month ago

adult, blunt, consequence, consequences, dildo, humor, irony, metaphor, risqué
I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

1 month ago

again, bag, blood, blood pressure, fit, free, handy, humor, i, irony, kit, never, once, pressure, relatable, stuff, take
This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

1 month ago

before, frustration, humor, Monday, never, repetition, weekday, workday
That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

1 month ago

addicted, addiction, feel, feel good, feeling, good, humor, i, me, motivation, positive, positive feeling, self-improvement, think

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

Seen just now on X:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Trending via TikTok:

You’ll be having a good day and then someone your age says they’re buying a house.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Spotted on Facebook:

Back to the Future and chill?

Going viral on YouTube:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Going viral on Reddit:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

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Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

You relax for 15 minutes after work, and next thing you know, it’s 10 p.m.

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

In my opinion, those who go jogging on a Sunday morning certainly don’t have a comfortable sofa.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

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Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

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